Two-y

My very first picture of Two-y

I'm taking this midweek moment to announce that Two-y is gone. He became ill while I was in the hospital and really went down hill these last couple of days. His kidneys failed and he was fighting a severe infection.

I can only hang onto the knowledge that at least his last year was spent indoors, not outside fighting the elements, other cats and other creatures. He was probably 17 years old but we'll never know for sure.

I'm going to miss you buddy. Hope you are running free now. Whatever is left of my heart has broken into tiny little pieces. I love you Two-y.

My last photo of Two-y

Mewdy Blue

I am so heartbroken tonight and find it extremely difficult to report that Mewdy Blue is gone. I'm sure everyone here will understand if I can't respond to comments for a bit. Thanks for all of your support.

Twygal - Oct 1, 1994 to April 27, 2012

Fred (Toe) - Fall 1995 to Oct 2011

Rainbow - April 7, 1994 to April 15, 2012

Twygal's last day

Twygal on Wednesday: she didn't like her trip outside

Friday morning Dr. Tammy will be helping Twygal escape her suffering. But I’m afraid she has already left the fold in part.

It has been a difficult week because Twygal has continued to eat, drink, and even play despite the growing lump on her face. However, on Wednesday she stopped eating. On Thursday she became very grumpy, refusing even to be petted. She has always been a very sensitive cat and I’ve had to tread lightly with her emotions and moods but that’s just a part of her wonderful personality.

Thursday evening she started bleeding from her mouth and nose again and she’s having even more difficulty breathing. I’m just comforted that she will still sleep on top of me in bed. That is, as long as I don’t touch her.

I worried about her last moments because she always gets very stressed when I take her to the clinic. I don’t want her passing to be so traumatic for her, though it definitely will be for me. To make her transition a little less stressful I will be giving her a light sedative before leaving home.

Though they were never friends in life perhaps Twygal will join with Bluebird and Rainbow and romp happily in heaven.

Rainbow in the Sky

Rainbow

April 7, 1994 - April 15, 2012

Rainbow and Springtime

Isn’t amazing how things work out? Every spring, no matter what, the lilacs come out and every spring just as the blooms are fading along comes a rain or storm to wipe out the last vestiges of their aroma. Every spring a short window opens when we should be able to find morels, and every spring I struggle to fit into that window.

Every year people look for the robins to proclaim the arrival of spring and sometimes, like this year, they come early. I always thought their travels were related to the sun’s position but now I realize it is more the temperature that brings them north. However, we sometimes, many times, see robins in January. So perhaps we should wait until the redwing blackbirds show up in the highway ditches staking out their territory, and announcing their readiness for mates to welcome spring.

Turkey Vulture gathering - see on the fence posts?

As for me I wait until I see that first black feather friend soaring up above in search of prey to truly count the coming of spring. Turkey vultures are the true harbingers of springtime and all it means to a winter-weary world. Their funky red, wrinkled heads watch for the tiniest movement in the grasses, stoop to clearing the highways of road kill when necessary and dress the skies with their graceful ride upon the air.

Lando Calrissian

Like the elves from Middle Earth, my cats are drawn to the west it seems. Too many times I’ve seen its attraction pull them from my life. First it was Lando who wanted only to go, just go somewhere, anywhere, on his last day on earth. When I set him down outside for a bit of fresh air he headed west. What his eyes saw in that direction I’ll never know but west was the only thing he wanted at that moment.

Pixel, her brain wracked with cancer, alternated between twitching from seizures to circling directionless to heading west in the yard outside the vet school. She’d lost all control of her poor little body yet knew that she wanted to head west. Bluebird, thin and weak from the cancer in her body wandered the house but always ended up at the back door, the western door of the house. She’d never been outside in her life except in a carrier yet she knew she wanted to go west in her last days.

Rainbow as a baby

Now Rainbow, failing kidneys and drug influenced mind, heads west to that door as well. What is it she yearns to reach? What secret world awaits her in the end? Or is it a beginning? Will I see that day; will I see them again someday in the west? Is that how things work out?

I don’t like the phrase “the circle of life” because it includes death. Maybe we should talk instead of the cycle of life; a cycle in which we eventually head west, like the elves, to another world, a better world where we can spend eternity with those we love.

(As I write this Rainbow lies on my lap unable to walk or do much more than lift her head. Tomorrow I may have to help her head west if she doesn’t recover but for now we’re together praying for a miracle.)

Pet Hospice

Bluebird in better days

Though the practice has been around for a long time most people don’t understand what pet hospice is. This is one article about the practice:

http://www.tennessean.com/article/20111227/NEWS01/312270033/Animal-hospice-care-lets-owners-say-goodbye-pets-home

However, I don’t want anyone to believe that hospice is only about helping a pet to die but rather it is caring for a pet in the home; focusing on palliative care rather than curative; giving your pet that last little bit of dignity. In essence pet hospice is a way to keep the pet at home, feeling little to no pain and getting all the attention and comfort from family as he fades due to a terminal illness or injury.

I had to face this reality when my cat, Lando Calrissian, became seriously ill with mast cell leukemia. At first he only had the occasional mast cell on his skin that were easily and completely removed. Unfortunately his disease progressed to the visceral form where mast cell tumors formed on his internal organs such as his spleen and liver. This stage of the disease is treatable but in most cases not curable. Lando’s surgeon removed what tumors she could then we started him on chemotherapy. From there on my job was to pay attention to Lando’s demeanor and make sure he wasn’t suffering in any way.

Lando as a youngster

Up to his very last day 19-year old Lando remained the head of my cat household. With only a slight grunt he put all the other cats in their places. But that last day I think we both knew it was over. He did not seem to suffer, he ate and drank normally but he wanted something. I don’t even think he knew what it was he wanted he just kept looking for something; something that was just out of reach. He wandered the house determinedly. I took him outside in the sunshine and he took off toward the west. At one point he finally seemed worn out so I took him back inside and held him for the rest of the evening. Sometime during the night he hid himself away in a closet and passed away quietly.

I happily gave Lando that extra time at home and would do it again. In fact, I have done so several times with other cats. On Bluebird’s last night my veterinarian gave me some pain killers that I was able to administer during the night so that Bluebird could be comfortable until I could face facts. Most of that night she slept peacefully in her bed on my lap. I appreciate that little extra time with my sweet girl.

If at some point you face the dilemma of making major choices about your pet’s life please discuss the possibility of hospice care. It just may be that you can spend a little extra time with your pet at home rather than leave him at the hospital. Even if this is not an option and euthanasia is inevitable ask your veterinarian about home euthanasia. Not all veterinarians perform this service but some do. Perhaps your veterinarian can suggest someone.

Effie in her last days

It is not pleasant to think about the final days of our pets but it is inevitable. Our pets’ lives are shorter than ours so we must face up to the fact and make life as comfortable for our pets as we possibly can for as long as we can.

Bluebird 1997-2011

Tonight I walked through the feeding routine, my body working on automatic. Sky went into his carrier as did Lady. I opened the smaller feed container to withdraw the scoop and scooped the food out of the larger container for “the boys” in their cage. From the frig I withdrew the many cans of food to distribute to the other cats and placed Rainbow’s bowl atop the frig. Setting the cans upon the counter I noticed that I’ve still got “her” can.

Mewdy Blue hopped up into his carrier to await his dollop of food while Glitter accepted her bowl of dry food on the shelf beside him. I pulled the lid from the smaller container out to block Glitter’s access to “her” bowl then closed my eyes as I remembered. Next I plopped a small can of special food in Lady’s bowl and closed her carrier door. Sky was next with just a spoonful of his special canned food and a scoop of his dry food.

Finally I fed the remaining cats their dry food on the floor, the top of the shelves, the ledge and the spot in the living room. I looked at “her” can and stopped for a moment. I wouldn’t need that. Then set out the many different pills. There was the metronidazole, but only one this time, the prednisolone, only two, and one atenolol.

I looked at the lid still blocking Glitter’s way and recognized that it didn’t need to be there. On this night so much has changed; my routine, my life. Bluebird is gone and everything is wrong.                                                                                                 

That’s the feeling when you lose a loved one, especially one who was such a large part of your life. She has been a huge part of my life for 14 years insinuating herself on my heart and leaving pawprints on my soul. Her mother was a feral cat and she started out as a mama’s girl hiding behind her mother’s fur whenever I entered their room. Once separated from her mom, Bluebird came out of her shell and demanded to be the center of attention. The only girl in a litter of five she became a Prima Donna.

Grief includes so many feelings, many more than the “5 stages” you’ll find in books, especially if the one you grieve is a beloved pet. First you will have spent some time caring intensively for a sick pet, then you may be forced to make the ultimate decision. Choosing to end the life of your precious pet is difficult, yes, but it is also a gift you give to one who trusts you. You are choosing to end the suffering, the pain and the stress the illness or injury is causing your pet.

You can expect to go through all the stages of grief afterward and find yourself expecting to find your pet at every turn. You may also begin to suffer in silence because you fear that others around you would never understand. Try to find someone you know would understand, a friend, a counselor or a support group, to help you through this process.

Tonight I’m still thinking of Bluebird nearly every minute. She’s everywhere in this house in my memories and in the atmosphere. She’s everywhere in my life where ever I may go. I have to believe that she hasn’t left, that she’s with me every minute as I go on in this world until we are reunited once again.

Bluebird has flown over the rainbow, a place where I can’t follow just yet, her voice filling the sky – what news do you sing now, my pretty Bluebird? She is with her mom