Here it is September and I’m still stuck in July. I want to thank all of you who responded so kindly to my post after losing my boy, Mewdy Blue. I am still devastated by his absence. I see a long, lonely road ahead.
Some things around the house have not changed but others have changed in odd ways. I just read a post by fellow blogger Deb Barnes ( http://zeezoey.com/blog/ ) where she mentioned that her house still looks like a hospital after the loss of her precious cat, Jazz. Well, if you look around mine you’ll see those same signs.
I confiscated the dog’s kennel for Mewdy Blue while he was on I.V. fluids to make sure the I.V. didn’t come out. Today, I still can’t open that kennel for Blizzard. He is puzzled when he looks around for solitude. I can just hear him asking, why can’t I get in? I did take out the litter pan and water bowl but I haven’t washed the blanket he last slept on.
It wasn’t until just last week that Mewdy Blue’s last two pills made their way into the trash. I had set them out that Saturday morning as I tried to fool myself into thinking he would be able to take them. The metoclopramide bottle still sits beside the microwave ready to give a dose. His empty sodium chloride bag still hangs on a hook beside my desk. I just can’t throw it away yet.
His own carrier, the one he ate in and the one I used to transport him wherever we went, still sits in its place atop two others, the door closed and the decorative pad still inside. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to use it for anyone else. After Misha Baryshnikat left for the Rainbow Bridge one cold, snowy winter evening, I didn’t use his carrier for many years.
Then there are the intangible or invisible things that remain. For instance, every night the very last thing I did before going to bed was to give him his Denamarin and a kiss. The box sat next to the sink in my bathroom so I wouldn’t forget. I donated those remaining doses to my vet so some other patient might benefit from them yet every night I look to that spot as if to take out another dose. That leads to a new tear each and every night.
I used to weigh all the cats once a week and send that data to my vet for their records but I haven’t been able to do that…………..since that day. I can’t handle making any list without his name on it. I can’t even take down the note taped to my kitchen cabinet listing the meds I give out twice a day. If I make a new one it wouldn’t have his name on it.
However, now every night Glitter has taken over my lap even though it has been way too hot for such close contact. Mewdy Blue used to be there. I think she’s happy about it. She fought to be there before but my special boy refused to back down.
Sky Voice seems to be happy he’s the only blue kitty left. He demands more attention all the time even lying in Mewdy Blue’s spot on the bed at times. It is hard though to see his blue fur popping up onto the bed or slipping into my office. For just an instant (shorter than a second) my heart leaps in joy that is quickly cut off. It’s not that I don’t love Sky but he isn’t Mewdy Blue.
Mulberry Spot has stepped up to demand more of my attention. He meows at me all the time unless I pet him, I guess I am reinforcing that behavior. Whenever he meows I pet him over and over. I also got the ingenious idea to start taking him outside on a leash in hopes of creating a more calm show cat. Now he wants out more and mostly after dark! Come October we’ll see if my plan works.
I guess the cat most affected by Mewdy Blue’s absence is Gooseberry. He used to follow Mewdy Blue around as if studying his moves. If Mewdy Blue got into something, Goose was right with him, much to the elder cat’s chagrin. When Mewdy Blue came to me for a treat or for attention, Goose always worked his way between us rubbing Mewdy Blue on the face for effect. Now Gooseberry is noticeably absent during most times. After his meals he goes right upstairs and stays there until the next meal.
When I get a toy out he’ll come down to play but he hasn’t been very energetic about it. He used to be extremely crazy when playing. But I’m not going to worry about that just yet. We’ve had a horrendous heat wave of late that has kept me pretty inactive as well. Now that things have cooled down a bit we’ll see if he improves.
|Lady Butterfly in a playful moment|
And finally I think 18-year old Lady Butterfly is enjoying her extra attention now. It used to be when she would jump on my lap Mewdy Blue would jump up and lie on top of her. She’d grumble and run off in a huff. When she slipped under the blanket at bedtime, he’d do the same and slowly nudge his way between us. He was kind of a passive aggressive type with her. While we haven’t been using the blankets lately she has been sleeping next to me for a time.
So some things have changed and some stay the same. My life will never be the same without my buddy beside me. But it was a wonderful life while he was here.
[Thanks to a recent post on my friend Bernadette’s blog (http://thecreativecat.net/ ) I found a nearby pet funeral home that is having services this Sunday, Sept. 8, for Pet Remembrance Day. I plan to attend. If you live anywhere in central Iowa see www.lovingrest.com for the details. If not, look around your area for similar events.]